That's all I wrote
My little room

Jesus loves you, but I’m his favorite! That is a bumper sticker that was bought for me by someone who really knows me. That person took one look at that bumper sticker and he said, “Yep, I’m going to buy this for my wife!” He grabbed that sticker with a smirk on his face because he knew it was going to make me smile! And boy did he win that day! I strive to be everyone’s favorite. I want you all to know that you are my favorite too. Each person reading this blog, even the ones I don’t know and have never met you. I want you to know that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been, how dark and sadistic it was, how horrendous, how shameful, how dirty, how sick & twisted….. it doesn’t matter. It …. does…..NOT…. matter. You are loved, Jesus loves you… I love you. I pray blessings over you right now.

Being transparent isn’t an easy thing to do and it’s become my new favorite word. Recently, I gave my testimony to a room full of women. I don’t know how many were there, but it was more than five! All my friends were dropping like flies that day. No one could come and I the enemy got up all in my ear telling me that they didn’t care about me. That gave me even more motivation to kick him in his mouth and I let it out. I sort of remember what I talked about but what I do know is I felt some freedom. God told me, “Hey Leah, I’m proud of you!!!”

That’s what these blogs are for me. I’m letting it out because maybe through my words, you can see that it’s okay. It’s okay! No matter what your day was like, you just thank God that he got you through it. Now rest your eyes child, because tomorrow is going to be another day. Armor up! I may be dis-liked, I may be loved even more. Being your favorite is my ultimate goal of this because then you fill that love of Jesus and then you go and spread the good word!

You are the only one that can change your situation. It took my mom having to kick me out of the house and I spent one week sleeping in my car before I realized that it was time to grow up. Thankfully she took care of my son for me during this one week but that’s all it took. I moved into this low income apartment. I had two kids that depended on me and I was a selfish person. My mind set wasn’t ready for mother-hood Dylan was a tad under 3 and Ali was barely walking. Had no idea what the hell I was going to do. I had some donated furniture, a hand full of groceries in my refrigerator and maybe ten dollars in my pocket. I had no job but I had food stamps & a $300 a month child support check.

My first husband came into the picture when I was around the age of twenty-two. He wasn’t what I would call a Godly man, but he taught me a lot about life and it meant not having to live in a roach infested apartment anymore. Love wouldn’t be the word I’d use to describe that marriage, but I learned a lot. He was very smart, and I paid attention. My dating/relationship history isn’t the best, but I have some great memories & very funny only share with your girlfriend stories!

At a young age, my children didn’t get the best of me. By the time they started school, I was married in a nice apartment and I had dinner on the table every night by five. Cupcakes were made for every class party and homework done every night. I love my babies more than myself and I kick myself in the butt every day that I didn’t show them that in a physical way. Keeping people at arm’s length was my thing and my kids fell victim to that as well. Thank God for Jesus because now we have awesome bonds! They know I’m momma bear and I will still beat the mess out of them if they act up.

If I could describe a scene from a movie to describe my mother hood experience, it would have to be this. Picture you must a lady standing at the river’s edge with two kids. Our lives depend upon getting to the other side and the only way to get there is jumping from rock to rock. Just when I think I’m going to fall into the water, I some how manage to make it to the next rock. That’s because God has been holding me up this entire time. I didn’t know it but he was there through it all.

Laying in a dark room use to be my weekend plans and now sleeping past 7 am is considered sleeping in. My days use to start angry and end in tears. Now my days are filled with lots of smiles and ends with peace. My relationship with God gets stronger by every minute. The only way my situation was going to change was by taking the first step on the path of Jesus. No matter what my day holds, no matter what the enemy throws at me, I will hold my head up high and let the light of Jesus shine through me. Each day I vow to make it the best I can.

By giving my testimony and being transparent, it’s to glorify God. I do it for him because it’s the least I can do for a man that loves me like Jesus does! Because of his love, I can now show it to other people. My life was spent in fear of showing love, but I have to repent that I have a hard time showing it to people that really know me. I love on complete strangers all the time when no one is looking at me. I’m still scared the people I love the most won’t love me back. Most of the time I feel like I don’t deserve their love.

One day I will grow more confidence in myself to write more than a 5 minute read. It’s better to give you my heart is short doses because I can be a bit much sometimes!

#Godislove #thankyouJesus #idoitforyou

8 Replies to “Jesus Loves you but…”

  1. Good on you, Leah. God changed your life. Hold firm to that, and it will see you through. Back in the OT times, people made stone monuments to mark where God touched their lives. This blog can be that for you : a monument to the power and love of God.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Leah, I’m also a new writer so I like to support people who are out there doing there thing. I just posted my blog on my birthday actually. It was a goal that I had. I was reading your experience of how God told you to write. That’s the same thing that happened to me and I’m doing it. So it’s encouraging to see that you are stepping out on faith. Much love to you. My blog is all about building people up. I only have 2 solid post on there so far but it’s a start. I love God and can’t wait to see what he does through it. It’s good to tag team with others who are doing the same thing. Anyway, I’m out in California and I just wanted to give you shout out. Great job with getting your blog out there. If you get a chance check mine out as well. Let me know what you think. I’m still figuring things out. I really love how you separate your post with the pictures. If you have time, can you share how you do that. I’d like to do that on my blog as well but yea haven’t figured everything out yet. Anycase, may God send many blessings your way. -Lakisha B.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is my site by the way …
    http://www.spiritleddreamer.com
    Forgot to add it in the comment.
    Oh and I totally relate to your mothering experience. I struggled as a single parent for 13 years. Just got married 3 years ago. Totally relate the infestation, we lived in the hood, finally got out and by the Grace of God my children and I still have our sanity. God has just turned my life 360°. There is so much joy on this side. I love the way you describe mothering like standing on the edge of a river needing to jump from rock to rock to get to the other side. That’s a good way to put it totally relate. I had my first child at 18. It was rough. The way you describe it was brilliant. I can see the scene in my mind. I’m glad that now my kids are almost graduating high school two of them anyway and in the next part of my life I plan to travel. Do some things I never got to do. -Lakisha B.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stay faithful to where he leads you. I got scared and let the enemy tell me I wasn’t good enough. Thank you for sharing your heart with me and I can’t wait to see your site.

      Like

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