I know I’ve written about this before but today is the five year anniversary of when I heard God’s voice for the first time. Just bare with me as I go back through the story as some of you may not know this! It was April 29, 2017. That particular evening, I was sitting in my garage. A fight had broke out between me & the man I was about to marry soon so, I had gone outside to work on some gifts for the people who were helping me plan my wedding. I was actually making a cross for my mom that night.
Up until this point, my music choice was still secular but I was slowly transitioning into listening to more Christian based music. My favorite song at the time was Holy Spirit. My heart was so heavy that night and my brain was trying to process the stupidity that had gone down earlier. My ear buds were placed firmly in my ears with the volume turned up loud. Holy Spirit had started to play and my eyes instantly filled up with tears. As I closed my eyes, I started to feel this overwhelming sensation that I wasn’t alone. My words to describe what I was feeling at this point is indescribable.
About half way through the song something behind grabbed my attention and when I turned around I saw my soon to be husband standing in the doorway. On a normal day he would have come out there to keep harassing me to keep the fight going but for some reason he stood there very quietly just watching me. After a minute he shut the door back and left me alone. It was almost as if God shut the door in his face and told him to go away. I started back to working on my mom’s cross and Holy Spirit started to play again!!!!
This time, I got up and turned the light off in the garage. I sat back down in my chair, closed my eyes again. That feeling came back… this time it was stronger so much that it took my breath away. The wind started to move around me and even though my eyes were closed, I could see this light.. It was about 9:30 at night, my light was off in the garage and the street lights on my end of the street were out so it was pitch black dark. But I could still see this light…
The presence got stronger and stronger, the arms of Jesus were wrapped around me and I could feel every bit of his love. Then all of a sudden my thoughts emptied out and I felt like I was floating above myself. I knew something big was about to happen.. Then this audible voice spoke, said one word… “write”… That was it.. I opened my eyes to scan the room to see if someone was there with me. No one was there, it was just me sitting in the dark.
Then my brain turned back on and the thoughts started to flood back through. Write? Write what? That’s all I get? I grabbed my phone and opened my note app. I wrote down what the Lord had said. To this day, I still have that note in my phone. (screen shot attached) A few weeks had passed and my brain was still pondering what he meant by writing. A little background on me, during my high school days, I use to write a lot. Poems, short stories, songs and a lot of journal entries. When my grand ma passed away I stopped. Never thought another thing about it, being a writer wasn’t something I wanted to pursue.
It wasn’t until exactly 30 days later on May 29, 2017 that God gave me the answer I kept asking for. He gave me the idea to write blogs. I remember that night like it was yesterday, I was right in the middle of eating dinner. As I sat shoveling food into my mouth watching TV the Lord thumped me on my head and all these ideas poured out. I couldn’t write them down fast enough… I left my plate of food and grabbed my lap top, I made one of those free websites and wrote my first blog. Then I wrote another one and then another one and then another one… well you get my point.
When my married crashed and burned I wrote a few and then stopped. Then tiktok became a thing and well let’s just say I fell right into that trend! Other than yesterday, it’s probably been well over a year since I’ve written anything. This morning as I opened Facebook, my memories popped up and a picture of the cross I made my mom that night came up. Instantly, my eyes went to the date and I realized what today was.
Jesus has truly changed my life in so many ways that I would need years to write it all down. When my heart opened up to the possibly that life could be better, Jesus took that small slit I made in my heart and opened it up to receive blessing after blessing after blessing. He’s placed so many people in my path that I now call friends, he’s put people in my life that I could minister to and he’s given me true genuine love. He’s given me hope in a hopeless world. Jesus gave me the ability to trust and most important he gave me his friendship.
The Lord is truly my best friend. Even though at times I’ve turned my back on him and forgot he was there, he never left me. Even when I’m curled up on the floor crying my eyeballs out of my head, he sits right next to me and says, “Hey.. I love you and it’s going to be okay.” Then he talks to me and reminds me that my problem is not an ocean, it’s only a puddle. Not even a puddle..
I’ve made a lot of bad choices in my life but the day I chose Christ made all those horrible choices worth it. Jesus makes living in this world worth it.. because no matter what comes at me or where I’m at, Jesus always has my back. I love you Lord, thank you for loving me back…
Isaiah 41:13, “For I am Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says Do not fear, I will help you…”