The Diary of Another Christian Woman: Binsa!

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I usually don’t tell other people’s stories because it’s not my story to tell. But I want to share something with you all about a friend of mine. The only reason why I am sharing this is to show you an outsiders perspective on how unfair life is sometimes but show you the glory of God in it all. I have a friend and I’m going to call her Binsa. Why Binsa? Because it means A woman who is fearless. She gave me permission to use her real name but I decided not to do it.

I met Binsa quite a few years ago and my very first impression of her was that she was someone who looked defeated but determined not to give up. She was beaten down in every way imaginable. Just like me, she was in a very abusive relationship. Over the years of knowing her, I heard of situations that happened to her by the hands of the man that was supposed to protect her. I’m sure there are quite a few of us that can relate to that.

Binsa lost her legs below the knee when she was a teenager and not only that but was diagnosed with an illness that the doctors said would kill her. Not only is she a walking miracle but she also gave birth to two beautiful boys. Doctors told her not to have kids but she did it anyways. That is why I named her Binsa.. because she is fearless. She is my hero in so many ways!

Her husband used her disability against her in, and it’s sad that a man who is not only taller & bigger than her but is so much of a coward that he hads to push around a woman that can’t even run away. There are stories upon stories of instances him trying to kill her and there was nothing she could do about it. Leaving him was hard to do because she couldn’t financially support herself or her children, not only that but mentally dealing with a narcissistic person is very draining. It doesn’t leave much room to think about an escape plan. On the few occasions she was able to get away from him, but he sucked her back in.

Now before you go thinking, why would she go back? Let me just fill you in on how our minds work as women who are constantly abused. Our self esteem at this point is non existent. We think we truly love our abusers and that our love for them is strong enough to change them. So when they come along and woo us aka the “honey moon” phase, it is manipulating in such a way that makes us feel like this time it will be different… so we go back.. Even though she had family in a different state, running away from him with her kids was out of the question because our great laws protect butt holes like him. If she crosses state lines trying to get away from a toxic environment puts a title over her head as a kidnapper. A mother that is trying to fight for her life and protect her children the best way she can is labeled as a horrible person because she’s trying to live in a stable & peaceful environment. I can only imagine the hell she lived in on a daily basis knowing there was nothing she could do but run and hide around the corner.

Now let’s fast forward to 2021.. Binsa came to Georgia to assist her mom in taking care of her dying grand mother. During the time she spent here, she started to experience something that she never felt before and that was peace. A peace so strong that it started to torment her in a way. The torment is how can I keep this peace and have my kids at the same time. She knew she would never be able to get away with her children so she had to make a very hard decision. Thankfully the her kids spent most of their time with their grand mother while she was away and she also knew they would never hurt those kids. If you knew the family, you’d know that carrying on the family blood line is very important to them. Being without her boys would devastate her but she also knew if she didn’t get herself healthy mentally, she could never be the mother they deserved.

Binsa went back home for a little bit to see her children and grab some personal belongings. Her husband had no idea what she was planning but she had to do what she had to do in order to be strong enough to fight for her kids. No mother EVER wants to leave her children behind.. as I even type these words I can feel her pain. Even though I am typing out a portion of her story, I feel as if Binsa is in this chair right now typing this out. But this is where God started moving in her. Well God was moving long before this but this is where she personally met her savior up close and personal.

From the moment she stepped foot into Georgia she instantly started to change. It’s remarkable how much she has blossomed since she’s been here. She became a very active member in the church I attend and the more she served the Lord the more her heart started to open to what love really is. When you feel God’s love it starts to change you in ways that is unexplainable. After she informed her husband that she would not be returning home, this is where it got really ugly. The fact that his control over Binsa halted, the anger brewed inside of him and he took it out on her in the only way he knew how… and that was the kids. He told them that their mother abandoned them, that she didn’t really love them and that he would protect them from her.

He then filed an emergency custody order to obtain the kids where she would not have access to them and despite her best efforts on proving to the judge that she just wanted the best for her boys, the judge ruled against Binsa and her abuser won. You may be asking how is that God being good? Well let me tell you. Yes, it was very unfortunate that all contact with her children was cut off. God needed Binsa in a safe place so he could work on her. He gave her strength, he gave her peace and he gave her stability. If she was able to have shared custody of the children, her abuser eventually would have sucked her right back into his misery and the enemy would have taken her out. Knowing her boys were safe in the arms of their grand mother, Binsa deserved to get herself healed so she could be the mother that her kids needed. The sad part is that it took over a year for the court to get another date for her to go back in a fight for visitation. So Binsa had to go almost two years without seeing her children.

In that time frame, the kids father & immediate family convinced Binsa’s children that she abused them and she did unspeakable things to them. It had been pounded into their confused brains that Binsa did not love them and eventually they started to believe it. If they believe it, then they could tell a judge they were scared of their mom and in return Binsa’s abuser would win… and he would have hurt her in the worst possible way. He thinks he can peacefully lay his head down at night thinking he’s won but he’s not bigger than God. I don’t care how big of a bully you think you are, God is way bigger than anything you got.

Finally, Binsa got a court date to fight to see her boys. She knew she would not gain full custody due to the fact she was in a different state and that’s a whole different fight. She just wanted to be able to see her kids again! Binsa, myself and the Pastor’s wife went up to North Carolina for her court date. She was prayed up, armored up and was not going to go down without a fight. Once again, the lawyer of her abuser forced the children to testify against their mother. It pains me to know that it was so easy for them to put the kids through a traumatic experience to misinform the court of the alleged abuse their mother inflicted upon them. The fact they got away with abusing the kids right in front of a court of law is scary in itself.

Watching the lawyer of her abuser pick Binsa apart enraged me. But through it all, Binsa kept her composure and she stood up to the lies the enemy was throwing at her. Watching her sit there wanting to feel defeated but knowing God was on her side was a victory all in itself. God was telling us, “Claim my victory!” As the day came to a close and it was time for closing arguments, her lawyer stood up and Jesus himself was speaking right to that judge. Then it was time for the devil to get up and speak.. the argument against Binsa was brutal, angry, bitter & false. The horrible things coming out of that lawyers mouth so was hard to listen to. They were asking for sole custody & to terminate Binsa’s parental rights. They were asking that Binsa never step foot anywhere near her children ever again.

Now it was time for the Judge to speak… Binsa got visitation rights to see her children one a month and phone calls once a week. It’s not much and you may not think that’s a victory, but it was a slap right in the devils face. Now Binsa gets to repair the relationship and even though it will be a hard long road. Those kids will only be under the thumb of the law for so long before they become adults and Binsa get so live out the rest of her life with her boys by her side.

It may seem unfair at times the sacrifices we have to make to stand firm in the Lord. But the blessings we get at the end of it makes it all worth it. Yes, there is a lot Binsa will miss out on but here’s the thing. The enemy tried to make it where she would never see them again and that would give her abuser even more time to convince the kids that their mom doesn’t care about them. But now God made an opening for her to walk into and shine the light of Jesus upon her children, now she can love them the way they deserve… because Jesus is in her heart and she now gets to plant that seed of truth into her boys.

People have a lot of opinions about abused women. People like to put blame on us that it’s out fault we stayed so long or we should have known in the beginning it would have been bad and we should have left. I’m really glad your life was so perfect.. I was one of those people who thought that way until I found myself right smack in the middle of it. Knowing in my heart that I needed to get away but hearing every single day that I was nothing more than crap that gets stuck on the bottom of your shoe on a rainy day got in my mind. It got in Binsa’s mind too. Binsa’s abuse didn’t start when she married her husband, it started long before he came along. Her blood family was just as bad, so from a very young age she was already convinced that she wasn’t worth anything. Then when you lose your legs as a teenager, that kind of adds on top of it.

Binsa had to make the ultimate sacrifice but she left that court room yesterday praising God in all of it. She knows God didn’t take her kids, the enemy did but God gave them back to her. Then he told the devil to sit down and shut up. Another thing.. the laws protected the real abuser in this story and made Binsa out to be the monster. It’s really sad that the evil people have more rights than the ones that try to do right. It’s all good though because in the end… we win! God wins!

This entry is nothing more than a nail clipping of what Binsa’s story is. I know one day she will be able to share it with you and I am honored she trusted me enough to share this small part of God’s victory with you. God gets all the glory in this!

I love your face..

Stay tuned..

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