Once again, you failed at yet another relationship. You should have conformed yourself to your partners needs. Because you were not the woman he needed you to be, he left you. It’s your fault.. The rumors he spreads about you, even though they were not true, everyone now thinks they are. You will be better off just staying at home and never going out again. Maybe you should have tried harder. I’m only telling you this because I have your best interests at heart.

I see you didn’t listen to me when I told you to stop dating. Once again you are in a situation that you are miserable in. Look at you, you are pathetic.. it’s a shame that you keep subjecting yourself to this abuse. Do you realize that you are doing nobody any good by being so needy. You have to stop showing them how desperate you are. Stop giving in so easy because it makes you look like trash. Nobody wants a needy woman.. They want women who are strong. I am only pointing this out to you because I want you to learn. You have to learn from your mistakes and know what not to do the next time.

If you choose to be in another relationship then take your time. Find out what their likes and dislikes are so you know how to be successful in a marriage. It’s not about what you want, it’s always about the other person. In return then they will give you what you need but only if you make them happy first. We don’t live our lives for us, we live for other people. Once again, I’m only trying to help you.

Look what you are doing to your children by acting the way you do. You are damaging them and raising them wrong. Don’t you want your kids to grow up knowing what is right from wrong? You should really just focus on them if I’m being honest. Bringing multiple men in and out of their lives will only teach them to be in unhealthy relationships. They won’t grow up to be upstanding citizens. You will cause them to carry your trauma. Stop before it’s too late!

You should really learn to make yourself look like what the world wants you to look like. It’s the only way to be truly happy, don’t you want life to be easy? Don’t you want to be happy? Happiness only comes from being comfortable and having nice things. Don’t you want that for yourself? You really are a mess, you should probably get help. Maybe medication will help you.. I’m not really sure what else to say to you other than you can do better. I’m the only one that cares about you, I’m only trying to help!

Well.. you really don’t listen do you? I heard about what happened to you and I tried to tell you. All I have to say is I told you so. No one is going to want you now. People will see you for what you really are. Being fake is a skill that you obviously didn’t learn. You must pretend to be someone you are not in order for people to take you seriously. I just don’t understand why you won’t listen.. Why can’t you just take the criticism I’m giving you and turn it into lessons learned. What is wrong with you?

It’s been a long time since I’ve talked to you and I’m wondering what I’ve exactly done for you to just keep ignoring me. Don’t you know that I am only trying to help you? You seem to block me out and not hear what I’m trying to say. Don’t you know that I need you just as much as you need me? I’m alone and I don’t have anyone, so please come back…

Dear me,

I got your message loud and clear. You want to know what’s wrong with me? I listened to you for far too long.. I fixed what I thought was broken with band aids and tried again but it brought me no where. I did pretend to be someone I wasn’t so I could be treated the way I deserved but I only made myself a door mat. For years, I sat and pondered on the ideas you kept giving me and thought I was the only person I could trust so I listened to you. That isn’t the way life is supposed to be lived. Those thoughts blocked me from seeing who I truly was and you knew that.

I found God at the weakest point in my life and He filled me with the kind of love I deserve. God continues to show me all the great things I am and will be. I’ve never truly experienced a love like this and not to mention the people I’ve grown close to. People who speak truth into me and don’t tell me to pretend to be someone else. I have friends that like me for me and they don’t tell me everything I do wrong in my life. I have friends that teach me about who Jesus is and help me grow my relationship with Him.

My relationships from my past with men will not define who I am in Jesus. He says that I am restored and born again. I don’t carry that shame around with me anymore and I’m not going to let the thoughts of having a man convince me that I will be completed. That is not what God wants for me and it’s not what I want for me. Your constant criticism was not doing anything positive in my life, it wasn’t helping me and it surely wasn’t changing me for the better. Those thoughts kept holding me down and kept making me feel unworthy. I don’t need a man to fill my void, I have Jesus and He makes me feel whole.

I had to stop talking to you because you bring me down. The saying misery loves company is the reason why you keep trying to bring me back in. You are alone and you want me there to keep you company.. I’m sorry but I have to let you go. You don’t have to feel alone anymore and you don’t have to be scared of what is out there. Bad things will always happen to me but Jesus brings me comfort in those times. I’m learning who I am and I see myself as a beautiful woman the Lord created. You can’t take that away from me.. You will never convince me again that you were right about me this entire time.

I will not stand here in this mirror for one more second and listen to your lies. I will not convince myself during my struggles that one phone call can change it all. I don’t need one night of fun to make me feel better. I have friends to reach out to that will pray for me and I have God’s arms that I can crawl into and cry to let it all out. He wipes my tears away and He stands me back up on my feet. It’s hard.. I’m not going to lie. It’s real hard.. But instead of falling victim to my thoughts, I will cry out to the Lord for rest. I will rest in Him.. and only Him.

When that day comes that God brings someone into my life. That person will know that I love God more than him. He will love God more than me. That is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Not conforming myself to who he wants me to be. It’s him as a Godly man that will accept who I am and will love me regardless of my flaws. I don’t know when that day will be or if it will even come. Either way, I am happy knowing that I’m on the right path to try to make it to Heaven so I can live eternally in God’s love.

I have to go now.. I can’t be here with you anymore. When I walk away from you, I am not going to look back…

Don’t ever let your past define who you are in Christ. Don’t turn to the world to fill up your voids. Keep pressing forward in the Lord.. Even when it’s hard. I promise it gets easier to overcome your struggles. Jesus loves you and He says you are worthy of real love.

I love your face..

Stay tuned..

I’m dedicating this entry to my beautiful amazing friend Jackie.