Three, Three, Three… Three!

God places people in your lives for a reason. Sometimes to annoy us, sometimes to strengthen us and sometimes to make us laugh. I’d like to think I hold all three of those traits and then some. Having friends was never my strong suit and now God has given me a gaggle of them. Some of these women have helped me get to where I am today.

We all need those kinds of friends that hold us accountable in a loving way, not a judgmental way and we need someone in our lives that we can just be still with. I intend to write about each one of them but right now I must talk about the woman who made me love her. No seriously, she didn’t give me an option not to love her. She decided I was to be a part of her life and I got put into the BFF club! God knew I needed someone to teach me how to be transparent and he placed the most transparent person there is in my life.

Having great friends in my life has always been a challenge for me. Girl drama was very real going through school and I have to say as an adult the drama makes me miss high school. I went through different phases in school until I figured out that just being myself was perfectly fine. If people didn’t like it… well then you’re missing out! The more people shunned me, the deeper in hiding I went and I am perfectly content with being a loner…. well at least I thought so. And God showed me different.

When us women ban together and act like we all are on the same team, the enemy starts to shed a little tear, and it infuriates him. The enemy waits for us to get alone and he starts to whisper in our ear and the longer we listen the more we believe what he says. She’s not your friend, she talks behind your back, what will they think of me, they think I’m fat, why can’t I be more like her… It will eat you alive and I have fallen victim to it. Then my heart opened up for Jesus to come right on in and WOW! Just wow!…

I often hear people say that Christians have it easy. I had it easier when I wasn’t one. A very wise man once told me that we perceive the devil the wrong way. We think hell is this fiery pit but, in all reality, hell is the opposite of Heaven. The opposite of everything is nothing. Hell is nothing and I’ve lived a good portion of my life being nothing. At one point in my life, my depression was so bad that the hardest choice I made was picking something on Netflix. The enemy held me down in bed so I wouldn’t be out there shining the light of Jesus. Well guess what, here I am. I’m showing you my light.

There is no way I could have gotten here without God or without my friends. My favorite BFF needs me just as much as I need her, she has my back whenever I need her and she tells me on a daily basis how ridiculous I am. Even when I tell her not to call me, she calls me. When I tell her I don’t need anyone, she says to me, “No ma’am!” Things come out of her mouth that are sometimes hard to take but truthful. God also knew that she also needed me because she’s ridiculous too!

Luke 6:31 tells us, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” I fail at this every day and every day I strive to do the best I can to show the love of Jesus. It’s hard sometimes but the Lord always blesses me when I succeed. You know why? Because once I get past the lies of the enemy, I make a new friend. That’s so much better than having an enemy. When we befriend the people, we think don’t like us or we think that we don’t like them, we kick the devil in his fat stupid head. Guess what, #lovewins

It’s so hard for people to be nice sometimes. The Jesus in me gets tested on a daily basis but I now make it a point to bring a smile to a face that seems sad. The proof is in the pudding folks, try it and see for yourself. Take a moment to just be nice to a complete stranger and just watch what God will do. The person behind you at the drive through, buy their meal. The person in line counting change to buy some milk, swipe your card. A lady sitting on a bench with a defeated look on her face, give her a simple gift. Watch what God will do! I learned that from my friend.

The first time I’d ever met my friend, she was barefooted dancing on a chair… at Church… I instantly liked her. She had this mean mug look about her and you instantly knew back in the day she was the girl you wanted to have as a friend and not as an enemy. But right past that mean mug was something even more scary. It was truth… and I didn’t know it at the time but she was going to be the one that poured a lot truth into me. Pretty sure she realizes now that she bit off more than she could chew with me, but don’t worry because now I’m her favorite!

Showing people my heart was the scariest thing in the world for me to do. My way of hiding my feelings is to be funny because I don’t want to bring you down. You don’t want to hear my sob story. Then my favorite BFF came along and she listened to my sob story. When I was done crying… she looked at me in my face and spoke truth into my soul. She was raw & real and it hurt but I needed to hear it. That was the moment I started to love her willingly. Up until that point, it was pretty touch & go. Now I strive to be just like her when I grow up. The thing I love the most about her is everyday she tells me, “I don’t know why I’m friends with you.” Then I hold her accountable by reminding her that she totally asked for it.

As I stated before, making friends was never my strong suit. Once I had more than two or three I started to panic because I was afraid I couldn’t keep up. I’ve come to know that just because you don’t see someone all the time doesn’t mean they don’t love you. And it also doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Now I cherish every moment I get to spend with these women God has blessed me with. Pretty soon, I will get the chance to see all of them at one time and we will be serving the Lord which will make it even better.

Often, I wonder was it really all worth it? So many years, so many opportunities just passed by me. Too scared to take them.. The more I write the more I realize that if I never went through struggles then there’d be nothing to write about and testify that God is very much real and he saved my life. He saved my life by putting women in my life that are hold me up when I want to just fall.

Proverbs 19:20 tells us, “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”

Once, I referred to some of my friends as “professional Christ followers”. Those are people I consider the wise ones. They know the Bible, they know how to pray, they know how to pray out loud, they throw their hands up in the air. Then the more I got to know them, the more I realized we were all amateurs! We were all struggling in all areas spiritually and I was now becoming apart of an Army that was going to stomp on the devils head. Man, oh man are we showing him who’s boss!

#Iloveyoumore #3333 #Godissogoodyall #justsayJesus

Jesus Loves you but…

My little room

Jesus loves you, but I’m his favorite! That is a bumper sticker that was bought for me by someone who really knows me. That person took one look at that bumper sticker and he said, “Yep, I’m going to buy this for my wife!” He grabbed that sticker with a smirk on his face because he knew it was going to make me smile! And boy did he win that day! I strive to be everyone’s favorite. I want you all to know that you are my favorite too. Each person reading this blog, even the ones I don’t know and have never met you. I want you to know that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been, how dark and sadistic it was, how horrendous, how shameful, how dirty, how sick & twisted….. it doesn’t matter. It …. does…..NOT…. matter. You are loved, Jesus loves you… I love you. I pray blessings over you right now.

Being transparent isn’t an easy thing to do and it’s become my new favorite word. Recently, I gave my testimony to a room full of women. I don’t know how many were there, but it was more than five! All my friends were dropping like flies that day. No one could come and I the enemy got up all in my ear telling me that they didn’t care about me. That gave me even more motivation to kick him in his mouth and I let it out. I sort of remember what I talked about but what I do know is I felt some freedom. God told me, “Hey Leah, I’m proud of you!!!”

That’s what these blogs are for me. I’m letting it out because maybe through my words, you can see that it’s okay. It’s okay! No matter what your day was like, you just thank God that he got you through it. Now rest your eyes child, because tomorrow is going to be another day. Armor up! I may be dis-liked, I may be loved even more. Being your favorite is my ultimate goal of this because then you fill that love of Jesus and then you go and spread the good word!

You are the only one that can change your situation. It took my mom having to kick me out of the house and I spent one week sleeping in my car before I realized that it was time to grow up. Thankfully she took care of my son for me during this one week but that’s all it took. I moved into this low income apartment. I had two kids that depended on me and I was a selfish person. My mind set wasn’t ready for mother-hood Dylan was a tad under 3 and Ali was barely walking. Had no idea what the hell I was going to do. I had some donated furniture, a hand full of groceries in my refrigerator and maybe ten dollars in my pocket. I had no job but I had food stamps & a $300 a month child support check.

My first husband came into the picture when I was around the age of twenty-two. He wasn’t what I would call a Godly man, but he taught me a lot about life and it meant not having to live in a roach infested apartment anymore. Love wouldn’t be the word I’d use to describe that marriage, but I learned a lot. He was very smart, and I paid attention. My dating/relationship history isn’t the best, but I have some great memories & very funny only share with your girlfriend stories!

At a young age, my children didn’t get the best of me. By the time they started school, I was married in a nice apartment and I had dinner on the table every night by five. Cupcakes were made for every class party and homework done every night. I love my babies more than myself and I kick myself in the butt every day that I didn’t show them that in a physical way. Keeping people at arm’s length was my thing and my kids fell victim to that as well. Thank God for Jesus because now we have awesome bonds! They know I’m momma bear and I will still beat the mess out of them if they act up.

If I could describe a scene from a movie to describe my mother hood experience, it would have to be this. Picture you must a lady standing at the river’s edge with two kids. Our lives depend upon getting to the other side and the only way to get there is jumping from rock to rock. Just when I think I’m going to fall into the water, I some how manage to make it to the next rock. That’s because God has been holding me up this entire time. I didn’t know it but he was there through it all.

Laying in a dark room use to be my weekend plans and now sleeping past 7 am is considered sleeping in. My days use to start angry and end in tears. Now my days are filled with lots of smiles and ends with peace. My relationship with God gets stronger by every minute. The only way my situation was going to change was by taking the first step on the path of Jesus. No matter what my day holds, no matter what the enemy throws at me, I will hold my head up high and let the light of Jesus shine through me. Each day I vow to make it the best I can.

By giving my testimony and being transparent, it’s to glorify God. I do it for him because it’s the least I can do for a man that loves me like Jesus does! Because of his love, I can now show it to other people. My life was spent in fear of showing love, but I have to repent that I have a hard time showing it to people that really know me. I love on complete strangers all the time when no one is looking at me. I’m still scared the people I love the most won’t love me back. Most of the time I feel like I don’t deserve their love.

One day I will grow more confidence in myself to write more than a 5 minute read. It’s better to give you my heart is short doses because I can be a bit much sometimes!

#Godislove #thankyouJesus #idoitforyou