I’m going back to my roots.

I want to go back to the very minute God put the word write in my head. When I was a teenager, I use to write a lot. Poems, short stories, songs, just whatever. I kept a journal and I wrote in it just about every day. The desire to move forward as a writer never occurred to me. Never in a million years would I ever imagine me trying to become known as an “inspirational” person. What would people find inspirational about me? There isn’t anything special about me, so why would you care?

Now that I think about it, God kind of nudged me into the writing career a few years back. A local magazine where I’m from asked if I would take pictures for them. Someone else would write the article but I would just take pictures. It ranged from local food reviews, to just taking a picture of someone they were writing about. One day I got an email, and this time instead of giving me my assignments, they offered me a spot writing about local businesses. I would go myself out and interview them &take their picture. No clue what I was doing but I said… okay… I did it a few times and they ended up selling the magazine to someone else. Even then, I didn’t really think about pursuing it any further and just like everything else, I just walked away from it.

Walking away is so easy for me. It’s easier to just forget about something rather than remembering it, especially if it’s something bad. I walked away from just about everything, because I didn’t think anyone would think I was good enough. Instead of just being rejected, I just became the person that would just reject you first. Photography was probably the only thing I really stuck with and the only reason why I’m not taking pictures now is because I don’t have a camera.

When I realized that Jesus didn’t find me but that I found him, my life started to change. Slowly but surely, I was starting to become the Leah he created. I was a total amateur at this whole loving Jesus thing and one night I was sitting still enough for God to whisper one word in my ear. He said, “Write.” It was the first time I truly ever felt the Holy Spirit and the first time I heard his voice.

I’ve given this testimony a few times, but the reason I keep going back to it is because I must remember that God wouldn’t have told me to write if he didn’t know I could change someone’s life with my words. My prayer is that if you are reading this right now and you don’t know who Jesus is, that it leads you to him so you can see exactly how beautiful his love is. Every day I struggle to stay true to his word because it’s so much easier to just walk away. Walking away is no longer an option! I’m going back to my roots; I’m going back to that night God told me to write and I’m going to keep writing about it until I can’t write no more.

Another thing that happened that night, is I raised my hands to worship him. I was sitting alone in my garage on a beautiful spring night listening to worship music. My playlist wasn’t very long but there was this one particular song that I played over and over again. The name of the song was Holy Spirit and when it came on tears formed in my eyes. I closed my eyes and instantly I could feel God’s arms wrapped around me. The wind started to wrap around me and I could just feel him there. My eyes were shut so tight but all I could see was his light. He was there and he was there for me, he left it all to come get me. At the exact moment I held my breath, all the thoughts in my head stopped long enough for him to whisper, “write.”

My first thought was, “write what?” That was on April, 29 2019 at 9:42 pm. and exactly one month later is when I wrote my first blog. I made a cheap free website and posted my first blog-ish. Tonight, I am re-writing that story because for you to know where I’m going, you have to know where I came from. I came from Jesus… No matter how many road blocks the enemy tries to throw in my path, I’m just going to keep over coming them until the day I don’t have to overcome them no more. When that day comes, all of this will be worth it. It will all be worth it, because there will be no more pain, no more fear, it will all just be a life of beautiful. Eternal life in heaven is what I will have.

There has been a lot of pain in my life and the majority I went through on my own. Never really talking about it, but I would always write in my journals. It was the only way I could release it because no one was around to listen to me. I didn’t think anyone would hear me, so I never reached out. My teenage years were very hard and when my grandmother died, I closed off from everything and everybody. If God didn’t exist, there is no way I would be alive right now. Many days that the idea of going to sleep and never waking up just seemed so much better. When I think back to some of the events that have taken place in my life, I see now that God has always been there even when I didn’t think he existed.

God was just a figment of my imagination; I knew all the stories, but they were just stories. My concept of what was real and what wasn’t didn’t coincide with one another. I put myself in a fantasy world filled with things that would make me happy. I used to call that my bubble of denial. Living a life of denial was so much better than what was really happening around me. It kept me sane! As a kid, if I didn’t have anyone to play with, well that was fine. Climbing a tree and pretending I was living in Africa watching baby elephants running around was a lot better than worrying about how many friends I didn’t have.

Now, friends are coming out of my ears. God has blessed me with so many good people that I can’t keep up with them all sometimes. As Pastor Ray said today, if you don’t know the word then hang around people that do and you’ll start to catch on. Was he ever right about that!! If I choose to surround myself with people who are debbie downers then I’m going to be a debbie downer. If I hang around people that are like, WOO HOO JESUS!! Then I’m going to be like WOO HOO JESUS!!! Now when I get around the debbie downers I share a little WOO HOO JESUS and I pray it rubs off!

God took my struggles and he made something beautiful out of them. Hearing what other people have gone through gave me hope that it’s going to be okay! Showing the love of Jesus can be as big or as little as you like. Giving your food to a homeless person or just helping a little old lady grab something on a high shelf at the grocery store is showing the love of Jesus. When God whispered that word in my ear, he gave me the ability to open my eyes and just enjoy the life he’s given me. If you are still enough, you can hear him too!

Remember, I came from Jesus and so did you…

It’s just me… Me & Jesus..

I closed my eyes on Sunday night and I opened them Monday morning a different person. Why was I different? Because I was alone for the first time in my entire life. I had only me… me and Jesus. This week I have been in a total fog and trying to piece my life together. By the grace of God, he has gotten me this far and I will depend on him to keep me going even further. God is picking up all the broken pieces and putting them back together one by one. So, where do I go from here? Another failed relationship, another reason to give up, more reason to look in the mirror and see nothing but failure.

When I opened my eyes on Monday, they instantly filled with tears. I prayed, “Lord, please give me strength.” I maneuvered around the unpacked boxes, the piles of clothes and all the memories I’ve carried around for ten years. My heart was heavy, it was broken and there was no hiding from the world like I’m use to doing when things get rough. Life wasn’t going to stop because I thought it was over and there was no way I was letting the enemy keep me down.

There has been so much that has taken place over the years and it all came down on me like a ton of bricks. I tell you right now, if I didn’t have Jesus in my heart.. I’d probably be in a bar looking for a warm body, needing fake assurance that I’m good enough to exist. Instead of going to the bar to feel pretty, I went to Church and felt loved. I know the choice I have made had to be done and I’m going to have to go through the emotions and i will come out cleaner on the other side. Jesus knows my heart and he knows who I am. He is the defender of my heart…

God has been giving me lots of hugs this week and one of the biggest hugs is my itty bitty kitty. I wrote a blog about him a while back. Ari was personally picked out and given to me by God himself. He never leaves my side and he knows when I need a hug, even right now as I’m pouring my heart out he’s laying right next to me. He’s helped this process be a lot more entertaining as he plays with all the papers on the floor and jumping all over the boxes. The night before last, I pulled my little chair into the living room just to sit and take a breath. As I turned to grab a blanket, didn’t take me more than 10 seconds… He already stole my chair.

As I found myself wandering through Walmart to get somethings I needed, I came across this little wax plug in that said “Enjoy the little things.” It was the only one on the shelf and I snagged it. It’s the little things in life that make me the happiest and that right there was little thing from God. My basket was filled with cute kitchen towels, a new comforter for my bed and just constant reminders that it’s going to be just fine. God knows that I use to love the little things in life and as long as I keep my eyes on him, he’s going to continue to bless me with a lot of little things.

Now that I am on my own, that means I have to do everything myself. Now it’s up to me to remember where I left my glasses, or my phone, or my keys, or my mind. When the air is low in my tire, I have to learn how to use the air machine. When I need to hang something in a high place, I now I have to figure it out on my own. Then God reminded me that he is here to help me. He will guide me to where I left my keys, he will hold me up as I hang up my pictures. The more I put into my new little space, the more it starts to fill with God’s presence and all I can feel is his love. The more I kept wanting to write about this, the more the enemy filled with me doubt. He wanted to hold me down and keep me away from filling my broken heart with God’s grace. I can’t do this on my own and I need help. By telling you being alone is one of my biggest fears, I’m stopping the devil in his tracks. Don’t look at me and say I’m so sorry, look at me and say.. Wow, but God! It’s him and only him is why I’m able to even share my words with you. Hiding under my blankets and pretending like the world doesn’t exist is what I really wanted to do.

It’s time to trust what God has planned and it’s time to be faithful to it. We stumble & we fall but he picks us up. When we thought we lost ourselves, he finds us. I checked out on life a long time ago and didn’t even realize it. Walking around doing what I do and not a bit more than that. Thinking I was being faithful to the Lord when in fact I was further away from him than I realized. I wasn’t living for him, I was living for my flesh. The Lord was convicting me every day I walked in lies. Every smile I planted on my face so people couldn’t see the truth in my eyes, every tear I hid from my friends, every scar I had on my heart but I covered them up with jokes and every time I told you I was fine, I wasn’t. Just when I thought all was lost, God swept right in and he grabbed me. He left the 99 and he came for me because he knew I had a purpose to fulfill and that purpose is my testimony.

Days to come are going to be very hard but I will persevere by staying faithful to the one and only man that has stayed true to me. That man is Jesus…

Lord,

It’s me… Leah. I come to you right now and I ask you for forgiveness. Forgive me Lord for not trusting you sooner. Forgive me that I checked out on my life, on my friends, on my kids and I kept listening to the lies. I kept listening to fear and it over came me. Please forgive me. I pray for your grace and your mercy, I pray that you help me put one foot in front of the other to go out and do your work. Lord through my hurt, my tears and my brokenness, help me shine my light that you’ve given me. Help me be a better me, help me be a better mother, help me be a better friend. You are the man I want to serve and through you I want to show people what your love has done in my life. I lost myself and you helped me find me again. You were always there and you will continue to be there. Lord I love you and I’m so thankful that you picked me to be Leah…

Amen

I am broken…

When I don’t want to be seen, it’s when I want to be seen the most. When I run and hide from the world, I just beg for someone to reach out to me. These past few weeks have been hard for me and the harder it got, the more I started listening to the whispers of deceit. Choosing to play video games was a lot more fun than glorifying God for all the blessings he has given me. Becoming one with my flesh because I allowed other people to let me think I was fake, unworthy and an attention seeker. I’ve believed those lies my entire life and right now as you read my words, I am declaring in the Jesus name that the enemy is a friggin’ liar! It doesn’t matter what the days ahead have in store for me because I have Jesus on my side.

I used to be scared to show people that I loved Jesus. When I would see people praise the Lord all I could think is man that looks like it feels good. I wasn’t judging them; I was saluting them. How do I get there?!?! Well God said, “Leah, just hang on because it’s about to be a bumpy ride!” By staying as faithful as I possibly could to him, he continues to give me the courage to persevere through the storms. It’s okay to tell you that I’m not okay right now. Just because I have Jesus in my heart doesn’t mean I portray to be this perfect well together person. I’m not trying to fake my way through life by planting a smile on my face. I am merely showing you the love of Christ because no matter what life throws at me, he is a great reason to keep smiling.

People misconstrue me quite often and it use to bother me but now it makes me laugh. I’ve come to learn that not everyone thinks like me and sometimes there will be people that just flat out don’t like me. It’s okay really… I’m still praying for you because in heaven we are going to be BFF’s! Saying that I “dealt” with rejection is an understatement, I wasn’t dealing with it because I let it get the best of me. If I did deal with it then I’d probably be writing more than blogs by now. The only thing that stood in my way was myself. For every person who thinks I’m an idiot, there are ten people who think I’m pretty cool! There is an even bigger person that knows I’m cool and that’s God! His opinion is the only one that matters.

What it all boils down to is, keep trusting in the Lord. Don’t laugh at that statement, don’t say “You don’t know what I’m going through”, don’t roll your eyes and DON’T think that there isn’t any hope. Staying hidden away did nothing but hurt me even worse. Staying in bed rather than taking care of my kids, smoking weed instead of cleaning my house, letting other people pay my bills because I was too lazy to get a job. I’ve done unthinkable things just trying to get through life because I was too stupid to open my eyes and know that the Lord had my back.

Thinking back from where I was and where I am now isn’t the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen but like my dear friend tell says all the time. “I’m not where I need to be but I’m sure not where I use to be.” It’s a daily struggle for me sometimes and some days I feel like going on isn’t an option. The more I thank God for getting me through each day the easier it is to get through them. The more I praise the more the devil loosens his grip because good will always prevail over evil. The God I serve is so much bigger than hateful words, mean looks, whispers behind the back, judgement or rejection.

It seems to me that the more I try to be right with God the more my life seems to “fall apart” so to speak. While my life crumbles on the inside, the outside of me wants to take on more responsibility as a Christ follower. My whole thought process is, take something that is going wrong in your life and use it to glorify God. There is a woman that recently came into my life that is a true inspiration to me. The woman was losing her home y’all! She was down to the last three hours of being removed from her house and she’s all like, “God is so good!” The world needs more of that, the more you love and the more you trust, the less the world brings you down.

Recently, a lady left a comment on one of my signing videos that wasn’t very nice. The moment I read her words; they went straight to my heart. The whispers of the enemy turned into screaming. God whispered in my ear and told me to stop it. Her comment has now given me the motivation and brought of tons of ideas of future videos I’ll be posting! Shut it down and the enemy scurries away with his tail between his legs. Here lately I’ve let a lot of negative things consume my mind, words that are being spoken stick to me. If I keep hearing the same thing over then it must be true right? Lies…

If every person on this planet had the same mind set, then it would be boring. Everyone has a talent, something they are good at. The reason why we are miserable with our flesh is because we aren’t feeding it good things. Waking up and scrolling through Facebook isn’t going to make your start your day. I know because I’m guilty of it. Listening to my music and reading one verse in the bible would get me going a lot quicker than the typical drama you read every day on social media. Now, I fill my news feed with motivational words because I realized that it’s my responsibility to change my own situation. I control what I read, I control what I hear, and I control what I see.

When you submit to God and just sit still for a minute, he will fill you up with his love. I’m currently siting outside with my laptop listening to my praise & worship music. God has been talking to me through this entire blog and at one point I stopped, put my hands in the air and he just surrounded me. The wind blew all around me, I could fill his arms around me and I know he is proud. My goal from right now on is to keep pressing through, keep my head up and I’m going to keep on trucking down the path God is laying down for me.

The more I serve the Lord, the less the enemy must hold against me. God has placed people in my life that know when to reach out when they don’t hear from me. They know to be nosy when I get quiet, they know to drop by when I don’t answer the phone. They don’t give the enemy the option to get to me because that is what we do for one another. We stand up and fight for each other when one of us is falling. Half the time the one that fell before you soften the blow because they caught you on their way back up. It’s an endless cycle of love once you submit to it.

My name is Leah Riffe and I’m here to tell you that it will be okay. I promise!

#Godissogood #Jesus #Godsloveisreal #praisehim #healmeLord

My face when someone tries to tell me I’m not good enough!

My not so little princess!

Eighteen years ago, a precious little baby came into my life. She was my second child at 20 years old and I was already terrified that I would have another one just like my son.

Now don’t get me wrong, my son is one of the coolest people I’ve ever met, and he has one beautiful soul. But he was bad…. as a toddler…. it was so bad. He was a strong-willed little boy that let nothing get in his way and I was a strong-willed woman that wasn’t going to let him defeat me. I’ll hand it to him, he brought me to my knees a few times, but we’ve managed to develop a close bond.

When my daughter came into the world, she had this light about her. She slept the entire night starting at a month old, she was a squishy baby and she had a smile that would make your heart melt. She was always happy and cried very little. As a toddler, she was even cuter. Dressing like a princess was her favorite! She loved to dress up and pretend like she was a princess.

My favorite memory of her being little, she was about three years old and it was the weekend she would spend with her dad. She loved going to her dad’s house and on the Friday’s she knew he would pick her up, it was the longest day ever for her! I had an errand to run that afternoon and she followed me down the hallway as I made my way to the bedroom. She says, “Mom? Are you getting me dressed now?” I replied, “No ma’am, not yet.” Then she proceeds to ask me, “Are you going to draw me a bath?”

Now, the reason that is my favorite story about my sweet child, is because that is the very moment, I knew she was going to let me have it when she became a teenager. She didn’t realize it, but she just challenged me.. She didn’t realize it, but she just started the biggest war that we would ever fight. Who can out sass the other one… WHO is going to have the biggest attitude problem and who is going to be more sarcastic?

Challenge accepted…

Carol & Rebecca are nick names we use for each other. She told me one day that I needed to have an old lady name so she called me Carol. I then decided that she needed a new name so her name became Rebecca. (Don’t ask… I have no idea. ) When she got to the age when it was fun to embarrass her, man oh man. Teenagers have their own secret language these days, I hear things like, “Mom.. don’t be flexin’.” or my personal favorite, “It be like dat!” I always made it a point to use those phrases when she had friends around. Old people…

My daughter has always been very dramatic, so dramatic in fact that along he way her dramatic-ness started to obtain different accents. When she was in elementary school, I picked her up from the babysitters and she was all strapped in her little car seat, just as happy as a clam. She tells me that she can speak English. I was a little confused by that since English was the language that I taught her, but I just went with it. “That’s great honey!” She then proceeds to start talking to me in a British accent and it sounded as if she’d been doing it for years.

Her birthday was yesterday, and today she had her very first adult melt down. She just experienced the life is very overwhelming moment. I remember when I had that moment and it sucked. I’m so proud of her, she has a job, she goes to school every day and she does it all on her own. By that I mean, I don’t have to yell at her every morning to get out of bed, I don’t have to remind her on what days she must work. She is a very responsible young lady and she has turned into my not so little princess. She still dresses up, but she doesn’t twirl around the living room like she used to. Instead of seeing her in princess dresses, I now get to see her in a prom dress.

My mom didn’t get to see me in a prom dress because I dropped out in the tenth grade. So, not only did I get to see my baby in a pretty dress, my mom was there to see her too and be a part of this beautiful memory. This is where I had to let go of her. It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but if I didn’t do it.. then she would have never learned what real life is about.

I fed her everything bit of knowledge, motherly advice, the do’s and don’ts, the what if’s, the now this can happens, the say no to drugs and yes to hugs speeches. I gave her all I knew to give her and pushed her out the nest. She may have thought I didn’t care about her but I loved her more than she would ever know. I waved my white flag and said, “have at it.” She made it! She’s still a teenager but now she must be her own person.

This is where God comes in. Up until now, I’ve never truly been able to appreciate the significance of these mother/daughter moments. When I was her age, my mother couldn’t speak one word that was right in my eyes. She knew absolutely nothing, and she obviously hadn’t experienced real life like I did. I had it WAY harder than she did. Boy was I wrong… When the moment came in my life that I had to stand down and admit that my mother was right about mostly everything, it hurt my feeling. My mom got to stand there proudly and cross her arms, give a little giggle and even throw in a head shake… All while saying, “I told you so…”

Tonight, I got to experience that very same moment as I watched my poor sweet baby in tears because life is rough. She just let it all out and my heart absolutely broke for her. But…. there might have been a very small part of me that was getting a little vindication from this. I may have took a step back but she was starting to realize that she will always need her momma. You know how I know that? Because she went to her room in tears but she came back and gave me a kiss on my cheek once she got over it.

God is always with me and when I have those moments where life would be much better suited if I just handled things myself. God takes a step back and lets go of me, he’s always there when it’s time to run back to him. If I never let Jesus in my heart then I wouldn’t have the courage to share my words with you. Letting the enemy tell me that my words don’t matter to whoever reads this would be missing out on a huge blessing.

I had to let her cry through her boo boos, and God lets me cry through mine. And when I’m done, he takes me by my hand and he doesn’t let go. You don’t know what God has in store for you tomorrow… Just love him through it and it will always be a good day.

My beautiful princess in her beautiful princess dress

I am who I am

Being a photographer has always been my dream. When I learned what a camera was and what it could do there was no stopping me. I wanted to move to New York and become a fashion photographer. I wanted a loft apartment, I wanted a big fluffy cat and I wanted to show the world how glamorous people really are. The first thing women would say to me before I took their picture was, “Make me look thin!” My reply to them would always stay the same, “Just trust me and I promise you will see what I see.”

There was a beautiful woman that approached me once about taking her pictures. It was her anniversary and she wanted to gift her husband with a photo of herself. You could tell she was a little nervous because she thought she was too heavy and I just told her to trust me. I’ll be a little honest, I was terrified to take her pictures. Not because I didn’t think she was beautiful, but because I wanted her to see what I saw. She radiated beauty just the way God had intended. Her photos not only came out beautiful but she loved them!

I realize now that God wants me to just trust him so I can see what he sees. I spent so much time trying to make other people feel pretty that I was completely missing out. A time came where I stopped taking pictures, I really can’t give a valid reason for it but the photographer that lives deep down inside is rearing to come back out. I’ve been faithful to the path that God laid down in front of me. On April, 29th of 2017, God gave me the calling to write. My first blog was posted on May 29th, exactly one month later.

I wanted to show the beauty of the world through a lens but God wanted me to show the beauty of his love through my words. I never imagined I would ever do something like this. Trying to stay faithful to the Lord has taken me places I’d never imagine. Making friends, keeping friends and having a best friend. (ah-man) The Lord gave me faith not only in other people but most important, faith in myself….

I’ve always been a visual person, and by that I mean I like to observe my surroundings. People watching is a past time not because I wanted to judge them but because I want to know them. I also want to learn the world and it’s beauty. Years ago I came across this barn on a trip when I visited Ohio. People may look at that barn and think it’s old or should be torn down. I look at that barn and I see a story that needs to be told. I’d like to think that once upon a time, that barn held lots of animals and was owned by a family that appreciated it. They loved that old barn so much that tearing it down wasn’t an option. I’d also like to think that God kept that barn together because he knew I would appreciate it.

This is who I am… I see light where there is darkness, I see beauty when you see ugly, I see opportunity when you see struggle and I see confidence when you see weakness. I see strength when you see fear and I laughter when you see tears. Being a serious person is not my strong suit. If someone is sad, then my instincts kick in and I want to make you see joy again. Embrace your struggles because they make you a better person. My struggles have made me a better person. Through my struggles I have learned how to keep my head up as high as I can.

Photography is and will always be something I love. I may not be famous for it but I appreciate the eye that God has given me. Just because I don’t have a camera right now doesn’t mean I still can’t see with my eyes. Taking what I’ve learned and applying it to everyday life is my main focus. If we do not love ourselves then we will never be able to show love. God has taken me down the path to share with you all his love and his grace. He has picked me up straight out of the mud and stood me back up on my feet. Sometimes falling victim to what the enemy tells us will happen from time to time. But what are we going to do about it? Are we going to cry about it and bring everyone else down with us or are we going to keep our heads up and let the love God has give us strength?

Now I understand why God led me to writing…. Even though I can express myself visually through my photos. Expressing myself through my words is proof in the pudding that if you just stay true to God & to yourself then there is nothing that can’t be accomplished. There is no telling what else God has in store for me but what I can tell you is I’m ready for it. Bring it on! I may crash & burn at this whole writing thing or I may not. If I can help one person realize how awesome God made them, then my job here is done. The Lord I try to serve on a daily basis is so faithful, he is so loving and he is so full of grace. There are days where I feel I have used up all the grace that is allotted to me but he just reminds me that it’s unlimited.

I’ve done a lot in this life that would warrant me a one way ticket to hell. Once upon a time my running joke was I would drive the bus that went to hell. There have been times I’ve thought that hell would be a vacation compared to this world and when the feeling of defeat consumes me, God holds me closer to him and he fights away the boogie man. Though my flesh wants to take pictures, my soul wants to write and my heart wants to stay faithful to the one person that has always stayed faithful to me. #God

I am who I am…

#thereaintnogravethatwillholdthisbodydown #Jesusismysavior #Heisyoursaviortoo

Itty bitty kitty!

My little Lion of God

When God really wants to get your attention, he will do it in such a way that just makes you know he is real. What was supposed to be a typical day at Church, turned into me driving home with a very tiny kitten asleep on my lap. This little guy was carried into church in a shoe box and just about every woman, child & maybe even a few men went, “awwwww.” First glance at him and all I could think to myself was, “don’t look at him Leah. He’s tiny, cute and your husband will NEVER let you keep him.” That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do was walk away from that tiny, sweet, defenseless face. Growing up, my mother and I always had animals. I love animals so much that I have a pet rat that was captured in a trap at a daycare center. I used to have pet rats and they are by far the coolest things ever. My husband knew I would make him rotten, so he brought him home to me. So, the point I’m trying to make is for me to just walk by a cute cuddly kitten begging for me to take him home was torture.

The sound booth is where I spend most of my Sundays and I have a great view of the entire sanctuary. The entire time I kept looking down at this adorable little baby and he needed me to be his new momma. He needed me and I needed him, somehow I was going to convince my husband that he needed a itty bitty lil kitty. Since service was going on and I obviously couldn’t leave the sound booth at that moment, I made a deal with myself. I said, “self… if that kitten doesn’t have a home by the end of the service you’re going to take him home.” Well that lasted all about five minutes, okay more like one minute and I sent a text to my daughter. The message read, “Go get the kitten.”

My daughter picked up her phone and she instantly jumped up with pure excitement. Ali is just like me when it comes to cute, soft, cuddly animals and she made a straight B-line to that box. The cat wasn’t for her of course but I needed her to help me, I needed to see how my husband would react when she walked back up with that oh so cute kitten in her arms. So I waited…. and I watched… I plotted…. Ali sat back down holding my future fur baby and without skipping a beat, Rick looks straight up at the sound booth with this look. Now I needed to buy some time until I could figure out how to make his furever home at my house, so I did what any person would do. I picked up my phone and sent him text stating that I already found him a home. Technically I wasn’t lying because I did find him a home…

 

On the way, I prayed the entire way home, Lord please let me have this cat. I need dis… This little guy was probably five weeks old and his mother was killed by a dog. He was a very healthy little baby but he still needed kitty milk. Instead of going straight to the store, I went home first so my husband could watch the itty bitty kitty for me while I sent to the store. This is where I put my complete trust in God and I’m here to say that my God has never failed me yet. Not only was my plan an absolute success, it was just living proof that if you have trust in the Lord then he will show up and show out.

In the twenty minutes I was gone at the store, this little guy completely showed out with his cuteness and had my husband eating out of his itty bitty lil paw. I may have won the battle at this point but I still had to win the war. My husband wasn’t going down without a fight and he put his gloves on. As the day went on, we were just causally hanging out in our bedroom and the kitten was being all cute running around on our bed. I just watched and observed the smiles that came across my husband’s face as this itty bitty kitty was being all itty bitty. I got him! He was hooked and I had to plan my next move perfectly.

Purfect!

So, I asked, “If he were to stay here, what would we name him?” Rick named him Ari. (R-reee). As you can see in the picture, I won the war too!

Now I know, you’re probably wondering what this has to do with God. Don’t worry, I am getting there! For some time now I have been going through what most would say, a season. Life had been feeling a little unfair and the enemy was coming at me from any direction he thought would get to me. I’ll admit that he came close a few times of winning. Too close…

My husband is a trucker and has been for almost a year. In the beginning, he got to come home a few times during the week. Then it got to a point where I would only see him during the weekends. Now I’m alone…

Being alone is not an issue for me. I grew up a only child, I didn’t really have a lot of friends and when that happens you tend to adapt to your surroundings. Entertaining myself is not an issue, when I was a little girl there was a spot in my grandma’s backyard that was all dirt. Cars was my absolute favorite toy, so I would carve out roads and dig tunnels. Hours would go by and I’m still having a good time.

Along the way something changed, and I started to like having people around. It felt good to be loved by people and to be loved by good Godly husband. He always knows where to find my keys, glasses, wallet, phone, shoes, pink cup, jacket & my mind when I can’t find them. Now I am forced to keep up with these things on my own. My short-term memory is so bad that if affects my short-term memory. My husband plays a huge role in my daily need to remember where I put my keys at. The struggle is real!

I missed him and he missed me. The enemy took advantage of that and I started to get use to being alone again. I started to get the, “I don’t care attitude” back. No one, not even my own husband knew what was going on inside my head. I carried a smile so bright on my face that I was told the love of Jesus shined all over me. When I came home to a empty house it tore me up. My son is gone, my daughter is a seventeen with a very active social circle & an Instagram and my husband is gone five days out of the week. It ate me alive… and I let it happen.

Then came along that itty bitty lil kitty. God knew I needed something to love and he gave me Ari. God also knew that putting a one pound ball of fur in my path would get my attention. Jesus has his arms around me at every second, minute, hour of the day and the enemy doesn’t want me to fill his love. He will taunt you & taunt you to the point that death seems like a better option than living. God is so mighty that he used something as small as Ari to show me that love is real & so is he!

This life wasn’t meant to be lived in any other way than hard. Even when I felt at times that my life was over and nothing will ever be okay, I still woke up the next morning. Even when I feared my power may get cut off, the bill always got paid. Even when I thought at times that my marriage may be over, I’d get reminded that I wouldn’t have anyone to find all my stuff when I lost it sitting in the same spot. Even though I come home to an empty house, he gave me a itty bitty little kitty to keep me occupied until my husband comes home.

God is always with you and even though you don’t know it. If a mustard seed can grow to be a big tree just imagine what he can do with your heart if you let your guard down for one split second. I’m just sayin’!

#ittybittykitty #Godissogoodyall #testimony #livelife #love #Jesus #Jesusismysavior

My little Lion of God

 

I’m back!

Beginning of something beautiful.


Ever wonder why we exist? Have you ever just stopped, looked around and just thought to yourself, “What is my purpose?” About a year ago, I completely walked away from writing because I didn’t think it was really making a difference. Even though I had plenty of people saying how much they enjoyed reading my blogs, I still didn’t think I was really all that good at it. God called me to share my testimony and the excitement that overcame me was overwhelming to the point I was flooded with different ideas. I stayed faithful to it for exactly one year.

When the question, “Why did you stop writing?” came up. I couldn’t even give a solid answer for it. I blamed it on God by shrugging my shoulders and giving the excuse of, “Well, he’s not really giving me anything to write about.” What a lame excuse… God has been talking to me every day of my life and I just couldn’t sit still long enough to hear him. He was giving me all the love & attention I needed but my flesh wanted worldly approval. I needed to know that I was good enough.

Living in a world filled with judgement, attitude problems, jealously, lust, envy… It’s hard, it’s very hard. I stopped writing because I didn’t listen to God, I kept my testimony within closed quarters and I was afraid if I went any further with it then the world would judge me. Or was it that they wouldn’t judge me enough? I walk around with a very tough exterior but on the inside I feel like I can’t breathe.

Every single day, the enemy whispers in my ear, taunting me to speak out how unworthy I am so he can pick it up and run with it. “No one wants to be your friend, your kids think you failed them, your tears don’t matter, no point writing this blog because they all will just think you’re stupid.” Every day he tries to steal my joy and every day Jesus gives it back to me. My God will always prevail over evil.

There is a new struggle everyday and sometimes they can be tolerable, other times they can be so bad that the mere thought of getting out of bed is exhausting. If I didn’t have Jesus in my life then those struggles would completely consume me. Because I have Jesus in my life I tend to end my day with a simple, “Thank you Jesus for helping me get through this day.” Then I wake up fresh ready to fight! I’m ready to tell you that because of Jesus I got to see a sweet baby smile and I got to see my son smitten with his pretty new girlfriend. I got to witness my best friend throw her hands up in the air and praise Jesus. A group of people surrounded our Pastor and prayed for him and I got to witness all of it. I fought through that exhaustion and let Jesus take me by the hand so I could witness.

God wants us to witness, because if we witness the good in people and all the love that really is out there. Then we can take other people by the hand and let them witness too. Recently, a motorcycle group from some local churches went out to laundry mats and blessed people with a free load of laundry & prayer. I got to witness the smiles that came across faces on the blessers & the blessees. It was absolutely amazing and oh the love that filled that day. That is what Jesus is all about, witness it and then tell everyone you see about it.

Unfortunately, we live during a time that the news is only filled with hate. So much hate to be exact that we have to hate on all this hate that is spreading around… you know because we hate it… Not only do we hate it but we have to talk about how much we hate it too. It’s a vicious cycle really. You know what I did about it, I stopped listening to it. You want to talk about what you watched on the news, well I want to talk about how a group of people rolled up in a neighborhood with a huge grill, a foot ball, jump ropes and the love of Jesus in our hearts. I got to witness the joy of the Lord on children’s faces.

God is filled with so much love and grace. He’s not angry with us, he may be a little disappointed with us sometimes but he still loves us. We take his love and we love the next person. Once they stop being mad, then they will take their love and give it to the next person. It’s a loving cycle really…

#Jesusismysavior #thankyouforlovingme #ButGod #aintnohighlikeaholyghosthigh