Three, Three, Three… Three!

God places people in your lives for a reason. Sometimes to annoy us, sometimes to strengthen us and sometimes to make us laugh. I’d like to think I hold all three of those traits and then some. Having friends was never my strong suit and now God has given me a gaggle of them. Some of these women have helped me get to where I am today.

We all need those kinds of friends that hold us accountable in a loving way, not a judgmental way and we need someone in our lives that we can just be still with. I intend to write about each one of them but right now I must talk about the woman who made me love her. No seriously, she didn’t give me an option not to love her. She decided I was to be a part of her life and I got put into the BFF club! God knew I needed someone to teach me how to be transparent and he placed the most transparent person there is in my life.

Having great friends in my life has always been a challenge for me. Girl drama was very real going through school and I have to say as an adult the drama makes me miss high school. I went through different phases in school until I figured out that just being myself was perfectly fine. If people didn’t like it… well then you’re missing out! The more people shunned me, the deeper in hiding I went and I am perfectly content with being a loner…. well at least I thought so. And God showed me different.

When us women ban together and act like we all are on the same team, the enemy starts to shed a little tear, and it infuriates him. The enemy waits for us to get alone and he starts to whisper in our ear and the longer we listen the more we believe what he says. She’s not your friend, she talks behind your back, what will they think of me, they think I’m fat, why can’t I be more like her… It will eat you alive and I have fallen victim to it. Then my heart opened up for Jesus to come right on in and WOW! Just wow!…

I often hear people say that Christians have it easy. I had it easier when I wasn’t one. A very wise man once told me that we perceive the devil the wrong way. We think hell is this fiery pit but, in all reality, hell is the opposite of Heaven. The opposite of everything is nothing. Hell is nothing and I’ve lived a good portion of my life being nothing. At one point in my life, my depression was so bad that the hardest choice I made was picking something on Netflix. The enemy held me down in bed so I wouldn’t be out there shining the light of Jesus. Well guess what, here I am. I’m showing you my light.

There is no way I could have gotten here without God or without my friends. My favorite BFF needs me just as much as I need her, she has my back whenever I need her and she tells me on a daily basis how ridiculous I am. Even when I tell her not to call me, she calls me. When I tell her I don’t need anyone, she says to me, “No ma’am!” Things come out of her mouth that are sometimes hard to take but truthful. God also knew that she also needed me because she’s ridiculous too!

Luke 6:31 tells us, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” I fail at this every day and every day I strive to do the best I can to show the love of Jesus. It’s hard sometimes but the Lord always blesses me when I succeed. You know why? Because once I get past the lies of the enemy, I make a new friend. That’s so much better than having an enemy. When we befriend the people, we think don’t like us or we think that we don’t like them, we kick the devil in his fat stupid head. Guess what, #lovewins

It’s so hard for people to be nice sometimes. The Jesus in me gets tested on a daily basis but I now make it a point to bring a smile to a face that seems sad. The proof is in the pudding folks, try it and see for yourself. Take a moment to just be nice to a complete stranger and just watch what God will do. The person behind you at the drive through, buy their meal. The person in line counting change to buy some milk, swipe your card. A lady sitting on a bench with a defeated look on her face, give her a simple gift. Watch what God will do! I learned that from my friend.

The first time I’d ever met my friend, she was barefooted dancing on a chair… at Church… I instantly liked her. She had this mean mug look about her and you instantly knew back in the day she was the girl you wanted to have as a friend and not as an enemy. But right past that mean mug was something even more scary. It was truth… and I didn’t know it at the time but she was going to be the one that poured a lot truth into me. Pretty sure she realizes now that she bit off more than she could chew with me, but don’t worry because now I’m her favorite!

Showing people my heart was the scariest thing in the world for me to do. My way of hiding my feelings is to be funny because I don’t want to bring you down. You don’t want to hear my sob story. Then my favorite BFF came along and she listened to my sob story. When I was done crying… she looked at me in my face and spoke truth into my soul. She was raw & real and it hurt but I needed to hear it. That was the moment I started to love her willingly. Up until that point, it was pretty touch & go. Now I strive to be just like her when I grow up. The thing I love the most about her is everyday she tells me, “I don’t know why I’m friends with you.” Then I hold her accountable by reminding her that she totally asked for it.

As I stated before, making friends was never my strong suit. Once I had more than two or three I started to panic because I was afraid I couldn’t keep up. I’ve come to know that just because you don’t see someone all the time doesn’t mean they don’t love you. And it also doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Now I cherish every moment I get to spend with these women God has blessed me with. Pretty soon, I will get the chance to see all of them at one time and we will be serving the Lord which will make it even better.

Often, I wonder was it really all worth it? So many years, so many opportunities just passed by me. Too scared to take them.. The more I write the more I realize that if I never went through struggles then there’d be nothing to write about and testify that God is very much real and he saved my life. He saved my life by putting women in my life that are hold me up when I want to just fall.

Proverbs 19:20 tells us, “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”

Once, I referred to some of my friends as “professional Christ followers”. Those are people I consider the wise ones. They know the Bible, they know how to pray, they know how to pray out loud, they throw their hands up in the air. Then the more I got to know them, the more I realized we were all amateurs! We were all struggling in all areas spiritually and I was now becoming apart of an Army that was going to stomp on the devils head. Man, oh man are we showing him who’s boss!

#Iloveyoumore #3333 #Godissogoodyall #justsayJesus

I just want to love Jesus..

About a year ago, a ministry at my church was started and it’s called the Silent Praise Team. We basically praise Jesus with our hands and not with our voices. We let the Holy Spirit completely take over and praise him like it’s our last time.

It’s meant so much to me to be a part of God’s vision and it’s brought me out of my comfort zone. If my job in heaven will be signing to music all day then I’ll take it. I’m not afraid to stand in front of people and praise God but I’m afraid of doing it where people can really see me. I don’t stand on the stage, I will stand on the floor.

About a year ago, I had the pleasure of serving at a women’s retreat. Despite what was going on in their lives, we all got together and served the Lord together. That weekend changed my entire life and that weekend God blessed me with a new friend. That weekend would be the very first time I would use sign-language(ish) to a song. Prior to this performance, I listened to that song 647 times a day. MINIMUM! Driving down the road, my hands were going everywhere. It’s so bad that to this day, I still can’t listen to that song without signing to it. God also blessed me with the best group of ladies in the whole wide world to serve with. We all had our parts to learn and I guarantee you, many of us were driving down the road with hands going all over the place. #hollyballpartnersforlife

Up until this point, I was so determined to nail that song that I had zero time to be nervous about it. It was by the grace of God that I didn’t pass out right there in front of everyone. The enemy tried to instill fear into me and there was NO way he was going to get in the way of that Holy Ghost high. I tell you what, we killed it. After it was all said and done, a woman that I barely knew but apparently knew me ran up to me, she gave me the best hug ever and told me that was my calling… that was when Jesus gave me my purpose. To praise him! Praise him the ways I know how to and don’t hold back.

“They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness.” Deuteronomy 6:5

It’s not just new every morning for me, it’s new for me every minute of the day. God shows up in a matter of seconds, I pray for the day I don’t have to worry about anything anymore and just sign for the Lord. To the same song… over & over again. Just when you think the song is over, it just keeps going. Forever!

As the weekend went on, I had another encounter with this new friend. She was laying on her face trying not to be mad at God. She loved him so much and she was fighting the enemy with everything she had. I was completely clueless on what exactly her struggle was at that moment because I didn’t realize who she was yet. I’d had only heard wonderful things about her and I knew a little of her story, but I hadn’t met her face to face yet. Just sitting on the floor next to her, I could feel the angels around her. The heaviness of her tears was tearing me up and the only thing I knew to do was try to make her laugh. She picked herself up off that floor with snot, makeup & whatever was on that floor, but she shined with the light of Jesus. What do I do? Lick my fingers like I was going to mama spit clean her face. Y’all should have seen the look she gave me! She knew me but she didn’t know me like that. I’m her favorite now so it’s cool.

After that weekend was over, we all piled in our cars and headed on the long journey home. Now, if you have ever spent a weekend with the Holy-Spirit, then you will know what a day of rest really means. As time went on, I knew God was pushing me to start my own team. No idea what I was doing but trusting the Lord is what “they” tell me to do and that’s what I did.

As time went on, I got to know my new friend and realized quick that she was my favorite. She has taught me a lot in the short time I’ve known her. When I found out who she really was then it made me love her even more. Prior to that weekend, her son went to be with Jesus. Not too much longer, her grandson went to be with Jesus. Through it all, the enemy has tried to use this against her, and God used it to empower her. When I find myself randomly smiling, I look around and there’s my friend. The joy of the Lord shines so bright that you feel it before she even comes in the room.

The Lord blessed me one night with watching her sign along with her daughter. That moment gave me the courage to really go to the next level with the ministry God called me to. I just want to praise Jesus, I don’t want to be seen but you have to see me and that terrifies me sometimes. This world can be so judgmental sometimes. As tough as I try to be, sometimes it cuts right through me. Then I remember what a very wise woman told me once. God never wants you to feel pain, sorrow or heart ache. God is love, he is joy, he is peace. He is calm… He is still…

Each day I wake up and I just want to be faithful to the Lord. Each day, I gain more courage to step out. God blessed me with my new friend. Through her ministry, I was able to give a piece of my testimony and guess what. I was standing on a stage praising the Lord. I love you my friend!

#blesstheLord #Ilovedunkindonutscoffeenow #Godissogoodyall