I’ve written this blog three times now. Since it’s a different approach of what I typically write about, it’s harder trying to transition from one emotion to the other. One thing I’ve always wanted to do is tell my testimony in a comedy format. Sometimes in life we go through things and we experience all different kinds of emotions. The only emotion I have left that I want to use is laughter. At this point, there isn’t really anything else that can come at me that I won’t laugh in the devil’s face and tell him to go on down the road. I also realize that I have to tread lightly on saying that because the worse can happen… at any time. It could be as I write this blog or it could be next week or it could be next year. Who knows?!
This is what I do know. I know that no matter what this life throws at me, I have God on my side. When I trip over hurdles or hide under my covers because I can’t take it anymore, at the end of this life I hope to stand before the Lord and he tells me I made it. That’s all I want.. I want to see heaven. Then that makes all the hell on earth worth it.
Everyone knows by now that I have once again found myself single. I say that as if I have hundreds of adoring fans waiting to see what happens next. For those ten people that follow my blogs. Thank you! Your support means the world to me and I’m happy to know that at least one person reads my words and it helps them grow closer to the Lord.
When I was a little girl, I use to imagine what my life would be like. Perfect husband, four kids, white picket fence and even one of those tire swings hanging from the oak tree in my front yard. I would have been one of those wives that had dinner on the table by five and kids in bed by nine. Go to bed, wake up and do it all over again.
As much as I wanted that life to happen, instead I have two kids and three ex husbands! Not the picture perfect life I hoped for but at least the life I’ve lived up until this point has been adventurous. So what do I do now? I am not good at being single. If something doesn’t work out, I’ve always had a back up plan. This time, I don’t have a back up plan. It’s not easy for someone like me that is use to always having someone around to be single. My love language is acts of service, which means I like taking care of people. Backing up what comes out of my mouth is my top priority. If I say I’m going to do something, then I’m going to do it.
So, as a woman that loves the Lord, what do I do? Well, I sit my butt down and I don’t move until Jesus says I can get up. Sounds easy enough right? Well it’s not. As an only child that was raised by a single mother, I was alone a lot. My mom worked her butt off to provide for us and I spent a lot of time with my grandma. Sometimes I had a cousin to play with and a few neighborhood kids but the majority of my time I was figuring out how to entertain myself. I’m tired of being by myself.. I need someone to talk to and learn life with. Before Jesus I was lost and would take just about anyone that was teachable. As long as I could take care of them and provide their needs, they would see how wonderful their life is with me in it and in return take care of me. That did nothing but give me lots of emotional damage. All the toxic relationships I’ve put myself in did nothing but make me toxic. My toxic trait… you hurt me, you don’t exist anymore. I’m very good at writing people off.
Now that I have Jesus in my life, it’s harder to be single. I am a very patient person in some ways and in other ways I’m extremely impatient. Not only that, but I am an excellent problem solver and being single is a problem for me. I can go back through my contact list to see potential options, or I can sign back up on a dating websites. Scroll through the catalog of “available” men that tell me how perfect they are in 300 characters or less. Or I could just hang out in the produce section at the grocery store to see if anyone shows up there. Now, there is this gas station close by that all those hard working, boot wearing, truck driving, blue collar men show up to fill up their gas tanks. I could just stand there with a sign around my neck that says, I’m single! I’m a great catch! Give me your phone numbers so we can meet for lunch! HAHA!
Honestly, banging my head up against a wall sounds more entertaining than sitting across from someone that thinks taking pictures of their food is more important than blessing the meal and then drives away in their Prius. I don’t have anything against a Prius, I’m sure they are very practical vehicles but a jacked up truck that can drive through some mud is more fun to me. I may blog about the Prius guy one day! That date happened a few years ago and still haunts me to this day. It was so bad that I have friends to that will send me pictures of their food when they go to a restaurant because they think it’s funny.
It’s hard to not walk around the temptations that come my way. But I consider myself a God fearing woman and I will continue to write prayers in my bible to prepare the man that the Lord will send me one day. Because I am a lot! I have lived with myself for forty-two years and it will take someone very special to ground me. I know my worth and what I deserve, which means I won’t settle for less than that.
My plans are now to write a series about how to be a single Christian woman. Not to only minister to women like me but to keep myself grounded during this season. The only way to calm cravings is to keep yourself busy. When you’re busy you don’t have time to think about all that mess. There are all kinds of addictions out there. Drugs, alcohol, sex, drama, wanting attention and being addicted to relationships is also one of them. This time, I think I’ll choose Jesus as my back up plan. What I’ve done thus far isn’t working so depending on the Lord to guide me is a plan that will bring me the blessings!
Who knows.. maybe this will further my chances in being successful in writing or it will crash and burn. I won’t know until I try!
Stay tuned… I love your face!